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    07 December 2006

    Drinking Liberally - Charleston, SC

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    Greetings! It is time for our weekly Drinking Liberally party so join us Thursday on the back patio of Juanita Greenberg's on King Street at about 5:30 p.m., or whenever you can join us.

    $uperbush cannot think of anything else to do but encourage people to spend money and he has had such a bad time of things lately, we want to help out $uperbush a little bit by reminding you that this is the final week to order swag from the Drinking Liberally Store and be sure to receive it by the holidays. So come to Drinking Liberally this Thursday and get your order in before it is too late. You still have until December 17 to place an order that will arrive before the Holidays, but you will have to pay a special delivery fee, so come by and put in your order this Thursday and avoid the extra charges.

    Wow, was November ever a bad month for $uperbush? Try as he might, $uperbush was not able to stop the Democrats from taking control of the House of Representatives. I'm sorry, $uperbush wasn't able to stop the Democrats from taking over the Senate either! The rout was so bad that $uperbush was forced to fire . . . [throat clearing noise] I mean . . . accept the resignation of Secretary of Defense Donald "Gettin' A Little Bit Snippy" Rumsfeld in the immediate aftermath of this huge defeat. He also had to accept Uncle Jim Baker's decision to nominate Robert Gates as the new Secretary of Defense (more on that in a bit). How huge a defeat was it for $uperbush? Well, not one single Democrat in Congress lost his seat to a Republican opponent. Notice I said Republican. Democrat Joe Lieberman did lose his seat to Independent Joe Lieberman, but that is the same person.

    With all of the attention focused on Nancy Pelosi . . . and we really need to thank the media for telling us what she was wearing, because that was really important . . . and what a hard time she is having electing her leadership, you may have missed how bad it was for $uperbush and his merry Republicans. Because Bill "Dr. Video Dx" Frist is retiring, the Republicans in the Senate had to pick a new leader and it was to be Mitch McConnell. $uperbush and McConnell selected Senator Lamar Alexander to be the Minority Whip. (Don't you just love thinking about the Republicans as the Minority?) Anywho, someone forgot to tell the Republican Senators who $uperbush wanted because they elected Senator Trent Lott to be the Minority Whip. Whoops. You remember Trent Lott? He is the guy who was the Republican Senate leader until Strom Thurmond's 100th Birthday Party surprise and $uperbush had to fire him as Republican Senate leader. Well, $uperbush called Trent to congratulate him on his election as Minority Whip, so all is well finally.

    Oops! All is not well! As expected, Mitch McConnell was elected Minority Leader by the Republican Senators. But $uperbush was so rattled and concerned with repairing his relations with Trent Lott that $uperbush forgot to call McConnell and congratulate him! Doh! With all of his super powers, $uperbush is foiled by a simple phone call.

    Undeterred, our brave $uperbush leaps into the air and flies off to Asia to visit Vietnam. It is $uperbush's first trip to this country...did you know? Both Al Gore and John Kerry had already been, that is why people voted for $uperbush; so he could visit Vietnam. While there, $uperbush took an opportunity to compare the military action in Vietnam to the military action in Iraq. $uperbush said we should have stayed in Vietnam until we won; like what we are doing in Iraq. Given the current situation in Iraq, we don't think the Vietnamese were too offended. But if only Nixon had had the foresight to put Lt $uperbush, TANG, in charge of the Vietnam conflict, who knows what would have happened; maybe $uperbush could have caught Genaralissimo Fransisco Franco by 1974 or so. Ho Chi Minh would have still been free to die peacefully in his bed but . . . hmmmmm, come to think of it, by 1974 Franco would have died peacefully in his bed too. Doesn't matter, no one would let $uperbush unleash his mighty powers on Vietnam.

    Oh well. Back to $uperbush's real mission in Asia; to attend a conference of Pacific Rim leaders and hopefully extract sanctions against North Korea from them. Barring sanctions, maybe $uperbush could manage a strongly worded written condemnation of North Korea. Nope, all $uperbush could get from is fellow Pacific Rim leaders was a spoken statement saying: "Bad Kim. Don't do that again. Here's your soup." Even Seinfeld's Soup Nazi would have at least withheld the soup. And to top it all off, they made $uperbush dress in those funny-looking traditional clothes. But $uperbush could not stay there very long, too many Muslim citizens made it very dangerous so $uperbush jetted out of there pretty quickly.

    A stop in Washington for a quick change of underwear . . . I meant tights . . . tight-fitting, well-tailored uniform, and it is off to Europe where $uperbush is to meet with NATO allies in hopes of gaining support, and reinforcements . . . I mean additional troops, for the operations in Iraq. NATO tells $uperbush "No, but it was good to see you again." To make matters worse, it seems that $uperbush's National Security Advisor, Stephen "I Think I'll Have The Sole (Of My Shoe)" Hadley wrote a memo to $uperbush saying that Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki is a loser. Fine team you got there supporting you $uperbush! They're doing a heck of a job!

    After not getting what he wanted in Europe, $uperbush is off to Jordan for three-party talks with King Abdullah of Jordan (not to be confused with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia) and . . . this cannot be right . . . someone tell me this is not right . . . Prime Minister Maliki of Iraq. The same person whom $uperbush's National Security Advisor Stephen "I Think I'll Have The Sole (Of My Shoe)" Hadley called a loser! Maybe Maliki didn't read it! No such luck for $uperbush; Maliki backs out of supper with $uperbush. Oy vey. At least November is now at an end and can finally not get any worse for $uperbush.

    Who knows, maybe December will be better for $uperbush. His new Secretary of Defense nominee Robert Gates is testifying before Congress. That should go well for $uperbush ...

    That is Drinking Liberally for this, the 1,313th day since the declaration of "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq. From Charleston, we are your city leaders, goodnight and good luck.

    Liberally yours,
    Leslie, Mike, & Sadie

    Juanita Greenberg's
    439 King Street - Downtown
    5:30pm until the new Democratic Congress is sworn in
    This and every Thursday
    843.723.NACHO (6224)
    On King, just a couple of blocks above Calhoun. Look for the blinking lights.
    http://www.juanitagreenbergs.com/index.php

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